Why Most Networking Fails Before It Starts
Walk into any professional networking event and you’ll witness the same uncomfortable dance: people scanning name tags, exchanging business cards like playing cards, and having surface-level conversations that everyone forgets by the next morning. The problem isn’t that professionals don’t want meaningful connections, it’s that we’ve been taught to treat relationship-building like a transaction rather than an investment.
The most successful professionals understand that strong relationships aren’t built on clever elevator pitches or perfectly timed requests.
They’re built on 3 fundamental pillars that most people skip entirely:
- intentionality
- curiosity
- attention
Intentionality – Stop Leaving Relationships to Chance
Most professionals approach relationship-building like they approach the weather—they hope for good conditions but don’t do anything to influence the outcome. Intentionality means recognizing that meaningful professional relationships require conscious effort and strategic thinking.
The Research Advantage
Before your next stakeholder meeting, spend five minutes doing basic research. This isn’t corporate espionage; it’s professional courtesy.
- What are their quarterly goals?
- What projects are they championing?
- What challenges might be keeping them up at night?
When you walk into a meeting knowing that Sarah in Marketing is launching a new customer retention initiative, you’re already positioned to have a more meaningful conversation than someone who shows up unprepared.
Setting Relationship Goals
Just as you wouldn’t launch a project without clear objectives, don’t enter professional relationships without some sense of mutual value.
This doesn’t mean being calculating; it means being thoughtful about how you can contribute to each other’s success.
Ask yourself:
- What value can I potentially offer this person?
- What might I learn from their perspective or expertise?
- How might our teams or initiatives complement each other?
- What shared challenges might we solve together?
Curiosity – Ask Better Questions Than “How Can I Help?”
“How can I help?” is the networking equivalent of asking “How are you?” Everyone asks it, and everyone gives the same noncommittal response. If you want to build real relationships, you need to ask questions that actually matter.
Moving Beyond Surface Level
Instead of generic offers to help, try questions that reveal genuine understanding of their world:
- “What are your team’s top priorities this quarter?”
- “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing with [specific project you know they’re working on]?”
- “How has [recent industry change] affected your strategy?”
- “What’s working well in your current approach to [relevant area]?”
The Listen-First Approach
The magic happens when you understand their agenda before presenting yours. When you truly understand what someone cares about, you can have a conversation about mutual interests rather than competing priorities.
This means resisting the urge to immediately respond with your own similar experience or solution. Instead, ask follow-up questions. Dig deeper. Understand not just what they’re doing, but why it matters to them.
Curiosity as Value Creation
Thoughtful questions often provide as much value as direct assistance. When you ask someone to articulate their challenges or goals, you’re helping them think through their own priorities. Many professionals rarely get the opportunity to explain their work to someone who’s genuinely interested and asking good questions.
Interestingly, that’s essentially what I do with my manager coaching. Before sharing any advice, I dig deeper, helping the client find their own answers first.
Attention – Consistent Follow-Through That Actually Matters
Attention is where most relationship-building efforts die. People have great conversations, exchange contact information, and then… nothing.
Or worse, they only reach out when they need something.
The Proactive Check-In
If someone mentions a project deadline, check in before it hits.
If they’re launching a new initiative, ask how it’s going a month later.
If they mentioned a challenge, follow up to see how they solved it.This type of attention signals that you were actually listening and that you care about their success beyond what they can do for you.
Offering Specific Help
“Let me know if you need anything” is networking white noise. Everyone says it, and it places the burden on the other person to figure out how you might help.
Instead, offer specific assistance based on what you’ve learned about their priorities:
- “I can connect you with our data team if that user analytics project moves forward”
- “I have experience with vendor selection for tools like that—happy to share what we learned”
- “My team went through a similar process last year. Want me to send you our lessons learned doc?”
Creating Systems for Staying Connected
Attention requires systems, not just good intentions. Whether it’s quarterly coffee chats, sharing relevant articles, or checking in on projects they’ve mentioned, successful relationship builders create regular touchpoints that don’t depend on memory or motivation.
Baby Steps Approach
You don’t need to overhaul your entire approach to professional relationships overnight. Pick one relationship that matters to your current goals and apply these 3 pillars consistently for the next month.
If you need assistance and some good ol’ collaborative decision-making, I’m here to help!
